Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Friday, May 14, 2010

Breaking Down Brick Walls


Brick walls.... They come in many shapes and forms... For one, they have bricks, red, white, concrete or emotional... Oh wait, what did she just say??... Yes, I said 'EMOTIONAL BRICK WALLS'... They are the walls I have found to be the most dangerous when you run into them... They have a way of distroying your self esteem and self belief when you feel you can't get over the top of them...

Today I am not ashamed to say I hit a major brick wall. The pressures of study are unbelieveable. And yes I am aware that their are millions around the world experiencing the same, if not worst hardships as I, but today, I let my guard down and just crumbled under the pressure....

I first need to explain that in December 2009, I made the concious decision, a long thought out decision to resign from the one job I had ever known how to do and do well, and put my life in the hands of fate.... I didn't have a plan... My plan was to resign and get the f*ck out of Townsville and start livng instead of existing, that was my plan. I Figured the rest would sort itself out...

2009 was a hard year for me, with many highs and lows... The biggest high was being nominated for a 'Deadly Award' and making it to the top 4 Indigenous Radio Announcers in the country... Although I didn't win, this one single nomination would change my life as we know it....

I knew my time in Indigenous broadcasting was up... I couldn't grow anymore and had achieved everything I possibly could. Even though I loved my job and loved my lifestyle (A life syle that consisted of a weekly paycheck, holidays every few months, my own flat and my own space) it wasn't enough for me anymore, I just wasn't happy... But in October 2009, I decided that money cant buy happiness... Short trips here and there weren't enough to put a smile on my face forever and eventually I would end up feeling the same old bitter twisted feelings of being trapped in a city I hated, all for the sake of making money...Instead of wasting another year of my life doing the same old thing, I simply decided to give it all up and resign...

Back to the thing I said earlier about fate... The week I was finishing up from my job, I got a phone call out of the blue from the top media school in the country, 'The Australian Film Television and Radio School, aka 'AFTRS', informing me that they had recieved my number from a friend in the Industry who had refered me to them... To cut a long story short, they asked me to apply for the 'Graduate Diploma In Radio' course and gave me 24 hours to do so....

I filled out my 6 hour application which included full essays, demo tapes and letters of reference and sent it off to Sydney... A few hours later, my life changed when they called me to tell me that I was one out of 10 students in the country to be picked to study Radio at the highest level, ALL on the week of my resignment... 3 months later, my whole life changed.... I moved thousands of Kilometres to study with a group of people I didn't know with no family, no home, no friends, and no money, to take on what is the biggest challange I have ever faced...

From the life style of a paid Radio Broadcaster to broke student. This week, I have had tooth aches, an empty bank account and a stressed out mind, to the point that today, I almost walked away. I seriously thought about giving it all up... Why am I writing this blog right now?? Not to big note... Not to make me look I'm the smartest and brightest person who got into this mega school that can secure you a career for life once you go through it, but to simply remind myself that I have come so far and that things have a way of sorting themselves out.... To stay focused and believe in my own abilities is something I need to do more than ever...

We will all encounter emotional brick walls at many times in our lives.. The times when we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and you're life, and everything in it, has come to shit... I'm independant, always have been, always will be, but I relise that in the city, you need friends, you need to trust people and ask for help, because without it, those emotional brick walls will get the better of you, and just grow higher and higher the longer you keep it all in...

My goal for the next month, is just to survive... In case you were wondering what I'm going to do about the brick wall that's in my life right now... Well I'm working on that... A good friend, 'Kyran Weatley' has told me I have to take the wall down, one brick at a time.... I am in Sydney for a reason and aren't leaving until I have achieved everything I set out to achieve... If I fail, I fail, at least I can say I failed trying... For those that are in the same boat when it comes to hard times, I hope you draw inspiration out of this quote like I have today....

"No one has written your destiny for you... Your destiny is in your hands, don't you forget that"- BARACK OBAMA

Note to self: 'Situations are only ever temporary'... Here's to hopefully brighter days ahead and breaking down walls....


One Love, One Life....

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you've decided to stick at it. This blog actually almost made me cry. But my mum is sitting in the same room and we're watching a movie so yeah, I didn't!! haha.

    It's somewhat relieving to write down what's in your head, huh? Even if it goes for pages & pages on end. Keep it up.

    - Heidi

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