Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The harsh reality that is the male species...


When I think of the dating world, all that comes to mind is ‘EERRRRR’... Hhhmm yes, not the most ideal outlook for a 25 year old single girl.

In high school I had a few boyfriends, but nothing too serious. I didn’t see myself as the most attractive girl and kind of just did my own thing through my teen years. It didn’t help that I had about 3 older male cousins at my high school who pretty much intimidated any guy that would even talk to me... Life’s not easy for a shy black girl with older cousins, ask anyone... But, like every other girl does, I later discovered dresses and heels; make up, alcohol and boys, and my normality as a female finally kicked in.

Every parents dream is to have their child meet a person, settle down and have children, and in my home town, this is very much the done thing. I on the other hand started to chase my career, right around the time (according to society) that I was supposed to be looking for love and beginning my urge to have children... Now, I don’t know what part of that memo I missed, but I didn’t do any of the above.

Okay, I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t the looking for the love part, and I can say that in the past few years, after many failures, I did in fact experience love, but unlucky for me, it didn’t turn out... Whatever, I’m over it... hhhmmm ...

See, I have come to the conclusion that I am the ‘Good Luck Chuck’ of the female world. For anyone out there that hasn’t seen that movie, basically it’s a story about a guy who is with girls, than after they break up, the girl finds the love of her life. Basically I am the girl version of that guy... I am ‘The girl before’ the girl if that makes sense? Don’t ask me how I came to this farfetched conclusion, just know that it is true and I am still unsure why...


I was hanging out with a guy the other day, someone of interest one might say (shock horror) and he said to me, ‘I like you because you freak me out with your weirdness’... Now, this can’t be a normal thing for guys to say to girls, surely? I mean, I know I’m not normal, in fact I’m far from it; I have the driest sense of humour, I’m brutally honest, I have stupid moments, am very opinionated and love to sh*t stir, Oh yeah fulla’s, I’m the catch of the year, but for someone to straight out say that I’m weird was kinda refreshing in a weird way...

This same guy then went onto say that ‘He wishes I wasn’t so independent’....

...........................Riiigghhhtttt................

So, okay, at this stage, let me break it down for you... I’m 25, 26 next week I’ve been living out of home and supporting myself basically since the age of 17, I’ve rented houses by myself, lived with people, travelled, attended government leadership forums, broadcasted on national radio, lived in a huge city without my family and friends, and now take care of a 13 year old boy, and you are surprised that I am independent?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to paint a bad picture of this guy, he’s actually really sweet and genuine, but for him to say that, I actually didn’t have an answer for him. In all fairness, he is a few years younger than me, and it was just nice for a guy to actually be honest to my face for once.


We all know men and women are opposites, Men are from mars and women are from Venus blah blah blah... Let’s just be real and say that men and woman and the whole entire human race are just one confusing element of life. I’ve been single for a few years now and even at the age of 25 and counting; I still can’t work out men fully. Just when I think I’ve got them all worked out, one will surprise me and all my theories will get thrown out the window.

I have a lot of younger female friends who ask me for advice on men and If I could give any, it would be, ‘Turn lesbian while you have the chance’... No really...... Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but maybe just not be so naive to the fact that men have 100 personalities all rolled into one...

My experience with men and having a lot of male friends, I have come realise a few facts about them. Now any guys reading this, try not to take offence, don’t write to me and carry on that I’m wrong and that I shouldn’t judge all men with these factors and I don’t, I’m just saying that 99.9% of men I’ve been involved with over the years, whether romantically or just as friends have all had most or some of these characteristics...

I’ve met black guys, white guys, younger guys, older guys, country guys and city guys and majority have all shown one of these traits. Most average men you will meet these days will have at least one of these characteristics I am about to share below, and if they don’t, then I will swallow my words... Okay with that said, ladies under the age of 25, and anyone over that that still hasn’t figured out why men are the way they are, listen up; I am no expert, far from it, but here are the basics I feel some women need to know:

Men are visual, brutally honest creatures. They are capable of cheating on you and then tell you to your face that they haven’t. They check out other girls when they are with you. They will be honest with you if you are honest with them. Majority of them love to watch porn. They will choose a boys night out over spending time with you 80% of the time. They don’t want you to meet their parents. They want a girl who can cook, clean and take care of them but also want the freedom of single life and seeing other girls. They will cheat on their girlfriends if given the chance. They will live at home for as long as they can until their mothers tell them to leave (which will never happen because mothers are enablers). They want you to want them but then don’t want you to be too needy.

They will fail any test you give to them and see it as you not wanting them and will move on while you’re still waiting for them to prove you wrong. After they break up with you they will be sad for about a week then will move on, usually with another girl. They will try to be friends with you after a break up, purely to keep having sex with you without the commitment (harsh but true). They all have realistic views of getting married one day but not necessarily to you. They want a smart girl, but hate it when you challenge them on a range of topics. They hate you spending your money on shoes, but love to see you wear high heels.

They have unrealistic fantasies of what you will do in bed all thanks to the many hours of porn they have consumed in their life time. They want you to be crazy in bed, but hate it if you’re too experienced. They have other girl’s numbers in their phone and will put them under different names if they think you will get upset about it. They have weak moments when they are drunk and tell you that they care for you and then the next day will deny it like they didn’t even say it. They will get angry and cause an argument over the smallest thing then wait till you have blown up, then they will get over it and pretend like it’s all good.

Okay, WOW, writing that, I can see why I’m single. Yes, some of it may not apply to all guys, but I bet majority reading this will have at least one or more of these characteristics. Ladies, my biggest advice for the dating game is not to expect anything from men, that way when they let you down, you aren’t surprised. I know my outlook isn’t the best, but then again with the above realisations of how men are, do you blame me?

There is a positive to men though.... Men keep you balanced, put you through some of the rawest emotions, do your head in and stress you out to the max. That doesn’t sound very positive I know, but trust me, these are all contributing factors to you becoming a strong and capable woman.

For me right now, I’m good just being by myself. I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the years and don’t apologise for an ounce of self dependence or confidence I may have. Although at times I am guilty for having very bleak outlook on the dating scene, I am also capable of believing and love and all that nice sh*t that comes with men and relationships. I know that everyone in the world meets different people at different stages of their life, and it’s just a matter of timing and attitude.

Until next time,

One Love, One Life X



One Love, One Life....

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