Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Replacing Faith With Reality- Heartbreak Survival Guide 101...

So here I am once more... I met a guy, my head got messed up, my heart is hurting and I’ve got a sore ego... CJAY bites the dust yet again in the love department... Ain’t nothing new...

Men huh..... Argh.... Instead of sitting and going over every possible thing that went wrong, I am instead going to share a few truths I thought needed to be shared with anyone dealing with a sore heart and head mess inflicted from a male... (Also as a future guide for myself)


It’s all been written about before; break up’s, parting of ways, call it what you will, it never gets any easier, and with age you’d think I’d become a little bit smarter, but here is the one thing we women do wrong in more ways than one when it comes to dating... We have what you call ‘Faith’...

When you meet a guy, it’s all fuzzy, the joys of someone paying you attention, of them wanting to spend time with you and you with them; it’s nice and a feeling that becomes addictive. After we meet a guy, we get caught up in the ‘Faith’ issue as I like to call it, but here’s the thing most girls fail to realise, faith will be your downfall when it comes to your new found ‘Love’... Faith ‘that it will work out’, faith that ‘he could be the one for you’ and faith that ‘he is the game changer’...
Earlier today in my cloudy state of mind, I blurted out something on the phone without realising to my girlfriend Kodie that has made total sense to me and it’s taken me 26 years to believe... REPLACE FAITH WITH REALITY!!

You’re probably thinking, ‘what the hell is she talking about’, but I’m dead set serious... Faith is blinding, it traps us and blinds us from all the things we are warned about when it comes to men... See, there is a thing I like to call ‘The switch up’ in every relationship/dating situation... There is a process of ‘The switch up’, and it usually goes like this (not including one night stands):

- Girl meets boy, boy meets girl...

- Boy and girl exchange numbers/facebook etc

- Contact begins, boy messages girl, calls her beautiful, sends her good morning messages, good night messages, what are you up to messages, boy begins to know things about the girl and the girl about the boy

- Boy pursues girl, takes girl out on dates (movies, coffee etc)

- Boy and girl spend more time together, (sexy time etc)

- Girl starts to fall for boy...

- In comes ‘Faith’...


STOP!!................... This is the point where 'the switch up usually begins, sometimes sooner (also known to happen around the going out stage; going to the movies, to coffee etc).

See from the beginning, a real man will pursue you, he is interested in you, he starts to like you and the feelings are reciprocated, then just when he’s finally sucked you in, in creeps ‘faith’ and all the feelings that come with it... At this point, you are no longer receiving as many messages from your new guy, instead you are thinking about him when you first wake and start to instead message him with ‘Good morning messages, good night messages and what’s up messages and all of a sudden you find yourself waiting for his reply... This my friends is called ‘The switch up’, the moment when a guy knows he’s got you, and therefore is no longer interested in you... See, it’s all about the chase... Men love to want and love to be wanted and when you give into both, you become a victim of the switch up, and just like that, it’s the beginning of the end; he’s moving on (usually to the next one).



It kills me to say it, but I know about the switch up, I named it and I’ve done it to a few people myself, but it wasn’t until tonight did I realise that even though I know the process so well, I still fall for it because I and all my girlfriends and friends tell me to ‘Have faith’... Not anymore... I’ve adopted my new motto, ‘Replace faith with reality’... Basically, it means ‘Be real about situations with men and what you expect from them and what you know DEEP DOWN you will get’... Everyone else can lie to you, but you can’t lie to yourself; listen to your gut feeling and BE REAL about the situation/him...

From one girl to another, here are some clear examples of when you should be real with yourself with a certain type of guy and replace faith with reality:

- If he is a known playa who is associated with a lot of women, he will no doubt make you one of those girls and eventually play you too (work out what you want from him, just sex? This is the man for you, a relationship- No, go and find somebody else!!)

- If he cheated on his girlfriend to be with you, he will cheat on you too.

- If he is close to his mum he will probably just be looking for mum number two in you.

- If he is single, he is single for a reason and most likely likes to sleep around and has commitment issues- He will not commit to you (you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife)

- If he was really interested in you, he will call you, if he doesn’t, then it’s safe to say he’s not, and is more likely than not calling someone else- Let it go!

- If he is quiet and reserved, it doesn’t always mean he’s shy and mysterious, it probably just means he is too lazy to commit to a woman and would rather masturbate 100 times a day then put in the hard work of having a girlfriend, and let’s face it ladies, no one deserves to be second to Mr Palmer ;)



The worst part about break up’s in this day in age is SOCIAL NETWORKING and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this; it’s actually common knowledge... I just deleted my Facebook page for the 3rd time in 6 months because I simply do not have any self control when I’m on there... Only a few years ago, you could break up with a person, delete them out of your life and have a slim chance of ever having to hear from them or see them again if you wanted too... These days we are forced to see our ex’s and flings move on to bigger and better things and having all of their SH*T thrusted into our face via our Facebook/twitter timeline’s while we sit and hurt without them in our lives... How is that fair? All I’m saying is that I want the old ways of dating back... I want to be able to delete a guys number and burn pictures of us, I don’t want to have to see them on Facebook and have my Facebook friends tell me what they’re doing, all the while dealing with the indescribable pain of heartbreak and having it drag on because of a person’s profile or timeline..... NO!!! Even though you may have delete them after parting ways and they are no longer a Facebook friend, you will no doubt have moments of weakness and will want to look at their page (don’t lie, we’ve all done it)... We punish ourselves and we make the process of getting over someone ten times harder thanks to social networking; this is the age we live in... A generation of, not being in love...


Men and break up’s do strange things to your spirit and your mind when it all goes wrong... The only true way to get over anybody and get back to being yourself again is to delete them completely out of your life (from your phone, from your facebook, from your skype, from your twitter... SIGH; See what I mean)... There’s no such thing as ‘remaining friends’ with someone you had feelings for or an attachment with because when it’s time for you to see them move on (usually with facebook pictures of them with other girls or a new relationship status update), will you HONESTLY be able to handle that? If your gut feeling tells you no, then it’s time to let it go... Don’t have faith that you can remain friends and one day it might work out, NO, that is a lie, he has moved on, so you have to do the same... REPLACE FAITH WITH REALITY...


Yeah I know I may sounds harsh and it sounds like I don’t believe in love, but I can tell you that I do; I’ve felt it, I’ve experienced it, all I’m saying is and I repeat, you have to be realistic about men and the dating scene today if you want to avoid heartbreak... Far too many girls get caught up with the idea of faith and all things nice at the start of the relationship and as a result, get played by the unemotional ‘Onto the next one’ generation of men we are forced with in this day in age... Yeah I said it!

I got told yesterday from a guy that I speak ‘Fluent Male’ and I found this to be a compliment... Ladies, allow me to speak my fluent male to you now and tell you what no man will ever dare to tell you; just be honest with yourself, don’t fall for the hype; use your brain not your heart and you will live to fight another day! We can’t avoid heartbreak in life, it’s something we all experience, but you can reduce the amount of times you go through heartbreak if you know yourself and the dating game you’re dealing with from the start!

I’d like to think that there is a guy out there that will walk into my life and challenge everything that I just wrote, but after many years of being single in this rough as shit dating game, I doubt that that will happen, and after all, who am I to hope for the hopeless... As for the sisters who have found their Mr Right; I don’t playa hate, get your love on... I wish I knew your secrets; instead all I have is me and this unlucky reality... Until next time...

One love, one life..

-Cee- xo

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